OK- first, I realize that I have had quite the hiatus here! Sorry-I have no good excuses. But things haven’t been all that exciting around here other than the obvious “countdown to Christmas” events. We had another O’Connell Family Playhouse showing(will post pics later). Kaylin got a cold, Kaylin still has a cold. Leah somehow grew even taller! And Dan wants a new truck.
But the main thing on my mind these days is, well, me. I had been a grumpy mom. An impatient, non understanding mom. Last week I heard the tone I was using with Leah. And I cringed. How did I get there? How did I forget what her 4 year old needs are and turn them into my annoyances? When did I forget to enjoy her? See this is my problem, not her’s. So that is why its about me. And the reality is, when I am “off”, it becomes about her too. And that is not right.
Due to my impatience and wanting the quick fix for a nonstoptalking, demanding, overly jeolous at times, highly picky child, I decided to put my foot down. It was my way or the highway. And can you guess where that got me? Yep- my little one turned into a tyrant. I grew horns. Yikes. No one was happy.
Then I had my epiphany. I had been up the majority of the night with a sick and crying baby. I knew when Leah woke, that she would be wanting something. How dare she want breakfast when I am tired?? How dare she want to greet her day with a hug and a smile from her mother? I know my patience level is at its lowest when I am (even more) sleep deprived. I started to feel panicked. And of course, the baby was waking and STILL not feeling well so she was crying.
I know I am the adult, I am the one expected to have self control. So I took deep breaths and decided to be the mom I know I can be. The one who remembered how to play, laugh, and go with the flow. The one who had been missing for a while. And all day I repeated my mantra. Somehow it worked. I picked my foot up.
Leah has also changed. Not because she suddenly forgot how to whine. But because my hiatus from being patient and fun were over too. I am sure we will have our bad days. No one goes with out them. And I am far from perfect- I still have and always will have things to learn and improve on, just like everyone else. But we have rounded a corner, and found myself on the other side.
December 19, 2008 at 10:11 pm |
I’m glad things have turned around, Mary. I’ve totally been there lately too, so busy and tired with all the holiday stuff going on that I find myself so impatient with the boys. And funny, I wrote about this on my blog this week too. I guess it’s a tough time for all of us moms
Thanks for reminding me how important it is to remember to be patient and fun!
December 21, 2008 at 11:15 am |
Your post made me teary, because I have been there many times myself. (((hugs)))) to you… you are a great momma! I am glad you let yourself remember how to pick your foot up.