Sad

My coworker and friend, Karen, lost her mom last week to a lung condition. She was only 60 years old.

A wake was held on Friday evening at the family’s church.  Reluctantly, I went.  When I saw Karen, I immediately knew I made the right decision. She was so grateful. Our friend Colleen was with me. 2 other coworkers made it as well.  I had been worried some family and friends wouldn’t be able to make the trip there due to the bad weather we had earlier in the day, leaving some roads covered in ice and snow. But the church was filled with loved ones.

Karen sang Amazing Grace to begin the service.  She announced “This is for you, Mom”. She squeezed her eyes closed tight and belted it out with such emotion. I sat there in awe. Family and friends joined in, singing and crying. As the final verse was sung, Karen rose her arms up high in the air, still singing as she cried. “I love you, Mom and will miss you, always”. 

Her 3 sisters spoke of the daily talks they had with their mother and how they will miss them. Then Karen’s grandmother rose. She walked to the casket and leaned over to hug her daughter. She is 83.  I sat there thinking how sad this was- not soley that my friend was saying goodbye to her mother.  But, I felt so sad for this 83 year old grandmom, burying her daughter. I didn’t let my mind wander any further on that thought.

But I did think about my own parents, frought with their many health problems.  And the fear of one day standing up, as Karen was doing in that moment staring at her mother in a casket, overwhelmed me. I know that is the order of things, children grow up and one day say goodbye to their parents and lay them to rest. I noticed that Karen could not go far from her mother’s body. She mentioned she could not leave her. I wondered how I will be when my parents are lying there. I have never been up to an open casket, choosing to stay back as others went to pay their respects. How will I fare when its my own mother and father?

Admittedly, I have been very blessed to have not lost many people in my life. And I am so fearful of the days when that changes. I don’t know the point of writing all this. Maybe its to remind myself that I need to be grateful for my life, remind myself to not take time or loved ones for granted.